


Almost Home

by TheSigyn



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-27
Updated: 2015-08-27
Packaged: 2018-04-17 10:51:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4663830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSigyn/pseuds/TheSigyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Thus fell the Fell Brethren. I think we got ‘em all. Hey, here, kid, quit your cryin’. We’re almost home.” Set during Angel, Not Fade Away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Almost Home

**Author's Note:**

> Written after listening to my husband as he muttered a one-sided conversation to our baby daughter.

  
    Hey, kid. Thus fell the Fell Brethren. I think we got ‘em all. Man, I’m tired. They were harder to kill then I’d have thought.

    Hey, it’s okay. Come on. Sorry to shake you up so much. Hey, here, quit your cryin’. Those guys were gonna slit your throat in a dozen years. Come on bite size, lets get you outta here. We got a taxi waiting and everything.

    Hey, hey, don’t put that blanket in your mouth. That’s my blood there, junior, you don’t wanna go that road. You’re too little for anyone to saddle you with a sodding demon. I’m all right, just... stay away from the blood, yeah? You can’t be that hungry. Here, I think I got a bottle here somewhere. Wish I had one myself. ‘Course I usually go with bourbon more than milk, but you gotta start somewhere. There you go. Hey, shh. It’s okay. Yeah. I always feel better with a nipple in my mouth, myself.

    We’re gonna get you back to your mum. Yeah, I know, not the best mum in the universe. But she didn’t know they were gonna sacrifice you. And your dad was hurt, those demons promised to patch him up right. She was poor, they told her you’d be some chosen one. She meant well.

    ‘Course, let me tell you about chosen ones. They’re rarely real keen to be chosen. Particularly when it slaps an expiration date on their forehead. I knew a girl once. The great chosen one, with superpowers and all. She spent the whole time bitching about it.

    I think that was what I loved most about her.

    Your hair’s the same color, you know. Soft as hers was, too. God, I miss her. You’d have liked her, she was one hell of a woman. Everyone loved her. Or hated her. No middle ground with that girl. Hm. I wonder if she ever wanted to have a kid like you.

    Not that I could have....

    Angel’s got a kid. Did you know that? I didn’t. I was horrified. I’ve eaten kids like you before. Don’t worry, like I said, I’m on a diet now. Angel, though... you’ve no idea what he used to do with babies. Eating them was the least of it. And usually he did it as a show, for the rest of their families. And Darla, man. Darla, someone’s mum. Weirdest damn story I ever heard. She hated babies, always made sure to eat them first, so they’d shut the hell up. Which was a bit of a waste, ‘cause they made pretty good pack lunches. Shut up, Spike. I’m so glad you don’t understand a word I’m saying, kid.

    I can’t believe Angel got a kid. Like he deserves that. ‘Least it wasn’t Buffy’s, that’s something. She’d never escape him if she’d been saddled with that. But still... Angel’s a father. Hell, who’s handling fate, huh? Proof that life’s not fair, right there in a nutshell. I know, it’s silly to still hold a grudge. But... what the hell did he do that gave him so much, when all he does is destroy it? Still, he destroys things, even all soulful and broody. I think he was born to destroy people. He was a libertine before he became a demon, and a sadist afterwards. Me. I was just a bloke. All I wanted to do when I was turned was fight and feed. He’s the one who taught me to torture. And _he_ got _cursed_ into going good, and I... I sort of figured out I’d already _been_ cursed, and tried to find some way around it. Yeah, it was for her... but that doesn’t make the realization any less. Besides, I had to work for it. Went through hell and back, just to... go through hell and back. You’d think I wouldn’t have to get tortured just for the honor of torturing myself every moment for the rest of my life, but what the hell. It’s done now. All Angel had to do was lie there and “ _feel really bad about it_.”

    And somehow, everyone _still_ thinks he’s the better man. Wankers. Why can’t anyone see it? He wasn’t the better man before he was turned. He was a nastier vampire after. And once he got his soul, he still went stalking fifteen year old girls. And _he’s_ the better man. I just don’t get it.

    Maybe it’s ‘cause he spends every second of every day brooding over his tortured existence and trying earn forgiveness. Spreading his misery over everyone. I just don’t know why they buy it. It’s stupid, you know. And it’s selfish. It’s all for _him_ , about _his_ redemption, _his_ forgiveness, _his_ humanity. He doesn’t get it. It’s got nothing to do with him. Or it shouldn’t, anyway. There’s no atonement. If anyone forgives you, it’s their decision, and they do it for themselves. You’ve no right to demand it. But he was always selfish that way. He demanded her forgiveness, you know. Back when _she_ was still a kid, before she even knew what he was really like. Messed her up something bad. Like the forgiveness will do anything.

    I used to think it was a scale, good versus evil, and you could balance it out. That you could earn your way out of hell by good deeds. I learned better once I had this soul in me. There’s no way of sponging out the evil. No forgiveness can make you clean. There is no restitution. You are what you are. You’ll always have done what you did. All you can do is work on each act as it comes. When the end happens... heaven or hell. It’s not for me to pick which.

    All those sins... and I know where I’m headed. It was my own damn choice to go there, too. I guess my soul was still innocent before I dragged it back. Now I’ve drenched it in blood. I wonder what would have happened to it when I dusted. Would innocent little William have gone up to heaven, made himself at home, no idea what his body had been doing for the last century? Or would I just have been gone forever... like a blown out candle flame. Well, I’ll be headed somewhere now. And I doubt when my soul finds its new home it’ll be seeing Buffy when it gets there. Oh, did I tell you there was an apocalypse on the way? Again. Maybe this time I’ll finally be allowed to stay dead. That’d be nice. Finally allowed to rest, after everything.... Hey, here, don’t cry. Buffy told me there was a heaven. You’re an innocent. You’ll be okay.

    Oh, right. Come here. I probably need to burp you. Bloody hell, look at you. All the bits are there, aren’t they. I never really looked close before. Haven’t picked up a little kid since the last time I ate one. That is amazing. Look at you, perfect little lips, and a nose, two ears. Little miniatures. I guess if I’d bothered to look, I’d have seen it before now. I never really looked at my victims. Hm. Maybe I couldn’t. Maybe if I’d seen them as anything real... they’d all have turned into Buffy or Dawn or Tara. They’d all have been people.

    You know, Angel and Darla always thought I was an idiot. It was easier to let them think that. Funny, now I’m back around Angel, I’m playing the role again. It annoys him. I like that. But I wasn’t an idiot. I was just going though my unlife head first, with my eyes closed. I think part of me couldn’t stand the horror. The part of me that still wakes up screaming now my eyes are open....

    Ugh. Ah, well, don’t worry about it, there’s enough blood and dirt on this shirt already. What’s a little spit-up. You’re awful warm, little bit. You know, I haven’t really held a human being since Buffy. You got a soul too, don’t you. Buried in there behind those innocent eyes....

    Bugger. How the hell did that bastard get to have a kid. And Darla. When Buffy... she’d have been.... Ah well. Maybe she still will. Either way, it’ll have sod all to do with me.

    You know, I had a mum once, too. She was a really great lady. I loved her so much. Shame I let her be swallowed up by my darkness... but I couldn’t see in the dark. I should have known it would swallow her whole. You’re gonna love your mum, too. It’ll be okay. We’ll get her and your dad out of LA, send you with her. It’ll be fine. She’ll be so glad to see you again. She didn’t really _want_ to give you up. No. It’ll be right this time. She’ll catch you up and hug you and sing to you.... My mum used to sing to me, you know.... No, let’s pick something else. You like the Ramones?

    Hm. Sleep tight, little bit. Soon you’ll be able to rest proper. We’re almost home.


End file.
